You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
