hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
