Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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