My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize