last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My ass is underappreciated
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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