It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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