Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
