I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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