i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
