TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
