I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
