I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
