So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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