On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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