I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
