someone get that fucking seahorse.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
