how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
