You're my little dorito
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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