you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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