you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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