Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
