I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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