I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
