Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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