How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
