You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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