Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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