apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
