I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My dick has a subreddit
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
