im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
