i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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