I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
