Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The convent might be a nice break from real life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
