Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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