it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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