I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
