Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just threw up on my dentist
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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