i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
