i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
