Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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