I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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