My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
