I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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