from now on my penis is your penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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