I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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