I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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