If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We need to rekindle our bromance
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
