so that wasnt chicken after all
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
