And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
