My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
