so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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