you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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