Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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