No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
