I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
