Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
