There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
