I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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