Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
