Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
