i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
