I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
