Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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