dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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