hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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