im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
