The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
