Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
