ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
