I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
