Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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