He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
