Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
