I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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