I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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