soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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