I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
