I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
