can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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