I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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