ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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