How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
