He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
