I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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